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This Week on Savage Love: Dan Rejects Polyamorous as Identity

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I have to admit I’m disappointed in Dan Savage today after reading his response to Polyamorous Polymath (“PP”) in his latest column.   Dan does not identify as polyamorous (he and hubby being “monogamish”).  Instead of addressing PP’s concerns, Dan quickly steps all over PP’s idea that polyamory is his identity and not just a lifestyle.  Dan tells PP that polyamory is about what people do and not who they are.  In fact, he’s vehement about that, and about polyamory not being a sexual orientation, which seems to be his supporting argument against polyamory as sexual identity.  (Protect your turf much, Dan?) PP is a man who finds himself in a difficult poly/mono relationship trying to [...]

What We Do or Who We Are? Round 2 with Dan Savage

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Dan Savage has included more thoughts in today’s Slog Blog about the controversy he started last week in advising someone seeking his advice that polyamory is something people do and is not who they are as an identity.  He is still having a hard time grasping what many are saying.  I have written an in-depth response because the questions he asks, which seem simple to him, are anything but simple.  In comments I wrote the following.

…. Dan, I think a key component of understanding this question is the context in which died-in-the-wool (if you will) polyamorists live out their [...]